Gratitude

Yesterday was a rough day in Mama-land, and through my (admittedly irrational) tears, I penned this Facebook post: Screen shot 2015-04-22 at 11.05.28 AM Afterward, many friends–all of them mothers, old and new–offered advice, love, and support. So far today (it is only 11am, but we’ve been up since 6:30), Lydia has been eating every two hours solid and she just woke from a 45 minute nap: small, but marked improvement on both accounts. The same thing happened when I sought breastfeeding support through an earlier blog post. Immediately following the outreach, Lydia’s latch got just a little bit stronger, she nursed for just a minute or two longer, and we both felt better. This is not a coincidence, and it’s not in my head. When I feel nervous and overwhelmed, Lydia feels it. She becomes more needy and irregular, and I grow more nervous and overwhelmed. But when I ask for support and receive it, I feel held. I feel calmer. I feel loved. And just as before with my negative emotions, Lydia responds to this, and we cycle together towards a happier rhythm. We are the definition of symbiotic. And good days and bad days will happen. We will spiral out and spiral in. I will inevitably end up more sleep-deprived than usual, reading baby blogs and feeling inadequate. But I will also find myself understanding her cues and responding to them in a way that makes me feel joyous and powerful. I never spent much time around babies until I pushed one out. And the feeling of winging it–of learning as I go–with something so amazingly important can be downright scary. So, to all the Mamas out there who have shared your light, what I really want to say is thank you. Lydia and I both love you, and we feel held by your support.

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One thought on “Gratitude

  1. We love you two too. I’m sure we all recognize the feelings you have, and we’re happy to help you though them.
    I’ll tell you, Kinkaid’s first year of life has been the most difficult year of my whole life. I’m sure it would have been easier if I had reached out the way you have. Being a mother is complex and demanding especially when we find ourselves trying so hard to be good mothers. (Passionate people set a high mark.;) And, even though it’s hard for us to see sometimes, we ARE good mothers already. You ARE a good mother, you are not inadequate. You are amazing, Dr. Nico-momma.

    Like

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