I gave the baby formula and the sky didn’t collapse.

Yesterday morning I gave her a 2-ounce bottle. She liked it just fine and it seemed to agree with her.

I did it just because I wanted to try it. I wanted to know if it was even an option for us. I wanted to feel as though her sole survival did not depend upon my body and my body alone.

So you may now revoke my EBF card.

I pumped immediately after feeding her the formula, and I got just shy of 5 ounces. I fed her this pumped milk before bed and she slept for 8 hours straight.

So this morning, I posted on a breastfeeding support forum looking for some resources for safe supplementing. I don’t know when I will be giving her formula again, but I’d like to read up on my options. However, without saying anything to me, the administrators of the forum deleted my post.

I wasn’t sure what happened, so I wrote to them. Sure enough, it had been removed.

They said it was the policy of their forum to never encourage the use of formula, and I guess I can see where they are coming from. But at the same time, would it have been so hard to communicate that to me openly? Or maybe even–gasp!–tell me a better place to seek this information?

I don’t want to dog on this forum. I really really don’t want to throw shade on this forum. They are an amazing resource and I respect what they are doing. I know their hearts are in the right place.

But man, it pissed me off that they deleted that post without even telling me. It really felt like I was being shamed into exclusively breastfeeding. It made it feel like breastfeeding was all or nothing. It made it seem like a cult. I have no interest in being shamed or indoctrinated. I just want to know my options so that I can best preserve both my baby’s health and my sanity.

So I gave her one tiny little bottle of formula yesterday and the world did not end. Right now, knowing that is enough.