I thought about dedicating the show to Lydia, but I changed my mind.
I dedicate nearly all of myself to her. I gave her my flat unstretchmarked stomach. I have given her almost a year of my sleep. I give her my time, my attention, and more love than I knew was even possible. But I did not make this show for her. I made this show for me.
I made this show to prove something. I made this show to announce to the world, and to myself, and to Lydia that I am not only a mother. I made this show to have something else to put my energy into, another avenue to find joy. I made this show to remember that I am talented and capable, and to find love for myself again, after a tumultuous year of major change. I made this show to be an example for her. I made this show so I can be a better mom.
So it always does come back to her. That’s life now, and that’s OK. Just as long as I don’t forget to smell the self-love roses on the way. She didn’t need this show. She didn’t ask for it and she doesn’t understand it. Someday, hopefully she will. Someday she’ll find her own way to make something in the world.
But for now, I will keep nurturing her with almost everything I’ve got. Almost.
And that last bit, I will keep dedicating to me.